In Scripture, and other places, we are advised not to pass judgment on others. Also in Scripture, it says we will be judged in the same way as we have judged others. Yet lots of people are very judgmental. Also, there are plenty of circumstances when it feels quite necessary to judge others, for example, to evaluate the risk of having someone come into your house, or borrow money, or any number of other reasons. I think there is a big difference between judging a person's likelihood to behave a certain way, and making a moral judgment about them. I think the moral judgments, even if it seems abundantly clear as to the character of someone, are out of line. After all, we can judge a behavior, but we really can't consider a person's back story family and cultural conditioning, nor can we evaluate what effect a person's DNA and neurologic functioning, affects their behavior.
So, if were not supposed to judge people, that means for certain that we should not condemn them. If we are neither judging nor condemning, what is there to forgive?
Imagine you are walking on a trail, and someone who is walking towards you trips are root, and falls into you, knocking you down. You will end up looking at each other, you might be slightly irritated, and the other person, a bit embarrassed. So, he apologizes, and you say that's okay, then both of you go on with your day, and either totally forget the event, or think about it as something humorous to share with others.
Now imagine that this person deliberately pushes you down. Regardless of how you deal with it in the moment, it's very likely that you will ruminate over the event, quite possibly let it ruin your day, and the event come to mind many times in the subsequent weeks.
In both situations, there you are one minute walking, the next on the ground. In both situations your physical discomfort is about the same. Why is one event so upsetting, and the other so easy to shrug off and forget about? It's because we are judging intention. Our judgment of that intention even elicits a measure of suffering. It can make you unhappy every time you think about it, for who knows how long into the future.
The fall itself resulted in virtually no pain or suffering, judging however, can install a festering misery. Who knows, perhaps the person who pushed you down is a victim of a victim, much like when an abused child becomes an abuser. It certainly isn't right, and they are responsible for their actions, but it's possible that they simply lack the mental resources necessary to control the urge to push somebody down. It may not be easy, but the safest thing to do is to judge a behavior, but not the person.
I know that concept is "way out there," but that's the philosophy that I do my best to maintain.
Going back to the original question, in the absence of condemnation, what is there to forgive? If forgiveness means, "I'm letting you off the hook now," or, "I'm done being mad at you now," the inference is "I have judged you, and now I release you from that judgment." To me, that sounds arrogant, and quite possibly based on ego masturbation rather than genuine compassion.
I've given it a lot of thought to the question, what if we take the root words, "for," and "give" and imagine that the original meaning of the word(s) are more closely aligned with the Peace Prayer of St. Francis? What if it means FOR inflicted pain or offense, GIVE compassion and healing support, or for injury, pardon, doubt, faith, etc.? If that's the meaning, generally speaking, forgiveness would mean bypassing judgment, looking beyond the offense, and doing what is possible to promote healing.
Usually when I talk about this, I get blank stares. Still, I really feel this philosophy resonates well with my heart. I have been working with this philosophy for quite a few years now. It actually feels pretty good to me. I am also less burdened by the appearance of negative intentions of others, instead, I give thought to what might be done to relieve the pain that triggered the negative behavior.
I am reminded of when Jesus said "love one another as I have loved you." He introduced the concept that with faith, judgment is bypassed. If it's possible to have faith that another person is doing the best they can, and there is a spark of goodness within them, regardless of how they’re behaving, maybe we can also bypass judgment and focus on helping them to heal.
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