Thoughts on being a Victim

This is in response to a person asking about how to overcome victim hood, and was receiving some very insensitive feedback.  

I see a lot of insensitive and myopic remarks in this thread, so don't take any of it personally.  Instead, filter it from the perspective of "What might help me here and what should I ignore?"  

For example, to be told that you attracted whatever circumstance that allowed you to become a victim, is often an exercise of the teller's ego, and has a useless element of smugness.  It's another way of saying "you deserve to suffer because you didn't do things my way,(or how I'd have handled the situation if I were you)."  Blaming the victim for being a victim sucks!

A victim needs support, not judgment.  

When you hear someone talk about another person "playing the victim," it represents negative judgment, whether deserved or not.  Some people do assume the role of victim in order to emotionally blackmail others.  They are often referred to as "manipulators."  Consider that such people probably have been legitimately victimized, by someone who successfully conveyed to them that such manipulation is a viable way of life.  Another way of putting it is that it's quite possible someone played "mind games" with them during their formative years, and they assumed that such behavior was required in order to survive.  

This kind of victim needs support too, but not in a way that encourages more manipulation.  

I've also observed people accused of "playing the victim," because the observer was looking for an excuse to withhold compassion, and wished to rationalize away the related guilt.  You might be surprised how often this happens to the homeless and vets with PTSD.  

Rape, abuse, bullying, and other painful experiences often lead to PTSD.  People are forever changed by such experiences.  It's not possible, nor is it desirable for healing to come in the form of becoming the same person as before the trauma.  Instead, healing can come through needed counseling and emotional support, whether from a trusted friend/family member, or a professional.  Even while having emotional scars, a person can become stronger and more resistant to future pain.  There is a form of forgiveness that focuses on what is needed for healing rather than who's to blame.  It's based on the original words "for" and "give."  It works like this, for hunger give food, for pain, give comfort, for cruelty, give compassion, for jealousy, empathy, etc.  I know such a relationship to forgiveness is a huge leap for present society, but I can't resist sharing the concept when it seems appropriate.  

If one is offended, and becomes bitter, they remain a victim.  

If one is offended and manages to keep an open heart, they transcend victim hood.  

Having an open heart in no way means to allow continued vulnerability to the same person(s) who committed the offense.